Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Monday, September 20, 2010

Cracked's DOB Weighs In On Andrew WK's Twitter

"What Andrew WK's Twitter Taught Me About Life" by Daniel O'Brien.

How Old Is David Hasslehoff, Jennifer Grey, Florence Henderson?

David Hasslehoff: born July 17, 1952
Jennifer Grey: born March 26, 1960
Florence Henderson: born February 14, 1934

You're welcome.

A Pair Of Crazy, Conspiracy-Themed Bills I Got Once.

A couple of real bills I recieved as part of my tipout from a bar I used to work at about 5 years ago:
$10: "The case of Donna Dial of Round Rock, Texas was a sad one of a bright young woman gone insane with paranoid schizophrenia purely from a biological dysfunction in her brain. This is obvious to anyone who watched her ceaselessly wandering & chaotic description of her beliefs & the tears of her mother that witnessed her decline before Donna killed her and her landlord in a delusion (watch "The System *illegible*" on CourtTV). But the prosecutor in Williamson County insisted she was sane, which resulted in Dial being sent to prison rather than a mental hospital. This barbarity could only occur where primitive religion saturates the culture as it does there. Remember Thomas Willis. Tax exemptions for religion coerce Atheists to subsidize it. National God mottoes coerce pretend religious belief. These laws are unjust and unconstitutional. NO JUST GOD WOULD EVER ALLOW EVIL. FREE WILL IS A BAD JOKE. Do you understand that insanity (what the supernatural religious call "demon possession") is a purely internal neurological organizational dysfunction that can be transmitted by verbal command?"

$5: "Somebody ought to tell the truth about the bible. The preachers dare not because they would be driven from their pulpits. Professors dare not, because they would lose their salaries. Politicians dare not, they would be defeated. Editors dare not, they would lose subscribers. Merchants dare not because they might lose customers. Men of fashion dare not, because they might lose caste. Even clerks dare not because they might be discharged. And so I thought I might do it myself."- Robert G Ingersoll (About The Holy Bibile, 1894 y.b.m.*) *y.b.m.= years of a big myth. IS THIS THE SAME GOD THAT ORDERED THE SLAUGHTER OF WOMEN AND CHILDREN (deut 3:24 & 21:17-18). Read The Bible According To Mark Twain. Religious bragging notwithstanding, the bible is not the greatest work of literature. The book of numbers is mind-numbing. Twain and Shakespeare are better. Tax exemptions for religion coerce Atheists to subsidize it. National God mottoes coerce pretend religious belief. These laws are unjust and unconstitutional."

Seriously, even clerks.


Ganked from Julia Segal's Tumblr.

Strongbad Email: Virus - BACKWARDS

The Homestar Pants Dance.

I'll admit that this goes on for about three times as long as it should, but I found the first 30 seconds of this funny enough to make it worth sharing.

And if it takes me posting every single crappy bootleg Youtube Homestar homage to get the Brothers Chaps to put out a new fucking cartoon, by God I'll do it.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

"How To Build A Little Birdhouse In Your Soul" - Search Of The Day 09/17/2010

via Search Of The Day, and an excuse to reuse the "They Might Be Giants" tag.

Space Fantasy Zone "Walk"through.

I FINALLY SCORED A WORKING COPY OF THIS GAME. Yay me. I was stoked about making a playthrough video, then found out someone beat me to it.

So, here's that:

I like how the guy doing the playthrough grabs the shopkeeper's boobs. Every. Single. Time.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

The Guy Who Wrote The "Jumping The Shark" Episode Of Happy Days Weighs In On The Phrase.

And, in defending it, seems to completely misunderstand what the phrase actually means.
Fortunately, my career didn't jump the shark after "jump the shark." When "Happy Days" ended, I went directly to the ABC Paramount hit show "Webster" and, after that, wrote and produced, among others, "It's Your Move," "He's the Mayor, "The New Leave It to Beaver" and "Family Matters." In 1987, Brian Levant and I created the action comedy "My Secret Identity," which won an International Emmy.

Yelp Reviewer Gives 1 Star Review To Restaurant That Hasn't Opened Yet

"My wife and I were downtown and had recently read a review of Graham Elliot Bowles new endever, a sandwich shop. The Chicago magazine made it seem like an enteresting spot and Chef Bowles is a happening food personality, the only problem is the joint isn't open yet. It was a pleasant walk ruined..."

From The Consumerist.

Justin Bieber Gets Hit With A Grenade

KMFDM - A Drug Against War On Beavis And Butthead

The Birth Of Dayman From It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia.

Haven't reached a point where this show really sticks with me, but this routine is pretty awesome.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Please To Go Fuck Off To Juggalo Island.

Yeah, I'm not sure I can appreciate the artistic direction Smashmouth appears to be going in this video.

Seriously tho, they're releasing their feelgood summer hit in early September? It's like they're not even trying to do anything right.

But hey, if they want to ship themselves all out to an island I'm all for it. Please be in no hurry to come back.

Rich Cronin Interview On Howard Stern

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Glenn Shadix Discussing His "Ex-Gay" Shock Therapy As A Teenager.

Glenn Shadix, known for his role as Otho in Beetlejuice, discussing the "Ex-Gay" shock therapy he experienced as a teenager. Brutal stuff.

Shadix passed away Tuesday, September 7th.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Every Video Game Reference In The Scott Pilgrim Movie.

From OC Weekly.

ZOMG - Let's Play Clash At Demonhead

Zo My God (or however you pronounce that), this edition of Let's Play where they tackle Clash At Demonhead is awesome.

Rowan Atkinson As Marc Almond

A cute vid of Roan Atkinson (Mr. Bean) impersonating Marc Almond from Soft Cell.

Machete Race War - Glenn Beck Was Developed To Counter Alex Jones

Aw, shuggidty duggity.

On Alex Jones' show Sunday, he elaborates how he was offered Glenn Beck's job and quotes from "The Overton Window". Man, do I ever hope this turns into a thing. I'd love to see this feud escalate.

Oh, and something about a race war.

Saturday, September 4, 2010

When I Die, I'm Sure My Last Moments Will Play Out Like A Game Of BLASTER.

This is BLASTER:

This is the plot of BLASTER:

This is part of the DMT-like experience of BLASTER:

As you travel down the never-ending spiral of madness that is BLASTER:

Seriously; as my death rattle gurgles out and my brain releases that final dose of DMT, I am convinced my soul will be released into a never-ending game of BLASTER.

Current high score: 128510 on BLASTER.

WTF 20: Well Isn't This Special.

Wow. This takes on so many different flavors of WTF, it's practically the Neapolitan ice cream of the genre.

Bonus: Carmelldansen

Billy Big Bang Blitz From Clash At Demonhead Cameo In Scott Pilgrim Game.

You can see him starting at the two minute mark, with the blue hair and gun. This was found via a Youtube profile devoted to the character.

Gauntlet: The Third Encounter.

Never thought of or even heard of this game before Engadget made the claim that the Android logo was ganked from it, but it looks super fun.

Well, except for the fact that apparently you had to hold the system sideways to play it.

Holy crap that looks frustrating.

Spirit Hoods Totally Stole My Fucking Idea.

These are Spirit Hoods:

Anyone that came to this site more than a few weeks ago might remember my old Blogger profile photo:

That's a pic of me from a house party somewhere around Halloween 2006. I made that hat from a beach towel I found at a thrift store. You can't see it, but it even has little paws dangling from it. Now, I'm not gonna flat out say that they stole my idea, but...

Oh wait, I already did. In the title even. They stole my fucking idea.

Fuck you Spirit Hoods.

Oh well, inb4 Hipster.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

The Democrats Must Be Taken Out Of Power Because... Wharblgarbl... Child Molesters.

Seriously, let me know if you can make a lick of sense out of what's going on in this Free Republic thread.

The Big Lebowski-Themed Bar Opens Up In Berlin.

Apparently, they serve White Russians.

Bonus: The address is Niederbarnimstr 23.

Who's Elizabeth Olsen?

I'm not sure either, but according to this video, Elizabeth Olson is apparently a cup of Earl Grey tea (1:27!).